There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
