it wasn't lemon gatorade
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
