i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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