She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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