i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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