i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
