So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
