why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
