At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
