I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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