So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
