do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize