In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
