Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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