I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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