the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
