i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
