oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
