I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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