He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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