His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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