It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
