Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
