ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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