I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
