So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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