Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
