i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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