WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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