sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
