Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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