Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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