I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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