I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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