She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
