you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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