Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
