R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
