she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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