Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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