I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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