Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
