i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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