Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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