don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
