the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
