The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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