ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
