I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
