maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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