whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You can't just leave with hair like that
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
