I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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