she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
