I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
