I just saw a hot homeless man
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
