She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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