I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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