so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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