11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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