All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
