The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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