see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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