I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
