i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
