First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
