And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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