just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
