I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
