what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
