He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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