she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
