Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
