i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
