five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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