ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am available for nakedness
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
