I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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