just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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