just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
