how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
