420 ftw
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
