3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
