R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
