I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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