Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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