Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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