The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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