please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
